by Princeps of Desaster Area
I was drinking from a bottle, and it read: 'If not satisfied, just return the unused portion of the bottle, and we will cheerfully refund the unused portion of your money.'
A dog was sitting close to the railroad tracks when a train came by and sheared its tail off. The dog was so mad he chased after the train and when he caught up with it, he tried to bite it and had its head cut off. The moral of this story is, 'Never lose your head over a piece of tail.'
A Hollywood author wanted to call his book "How to Make a Million Dollars and Speak Correct English and Be Good-Looking and Sexy and Healthy and Well Read and Perfectly Groomed and What Wines to Order with What Meals and Write Popular Music and Learn Taxidermy in You Spare Time." He couldn't use it, though. There was already another book by that name...
Three dinosaurs were named, "Foot", "Foot-Foot", and "Foot-Foot-Foot". One day Foot told Foot-Foot that he wasn't feeling well. Foot-Foot told Foot-Foot-Foot about Foot's illness, and Foot-Foot said, "Listen, Foot-Foot, you'd better tell Foot to take care of himself." A few weeks went by, and Foot was taken sick again. Foot-Foot passed the news on to Foot-Foot-Foot, who said again to tell Foot to take care of himself. In another two weeks, Foot died. Foot-Foot told Foot-Foot-Foot that Foot died. Foot-Foot-Foot told Foot-Foot that the two of them had better take excellent care of themselves. Another two weeks passed, and Foot-Foot felt sick. Foot-Foot-Foot said to Foot-Foot, "Listen, Foot-Foot, we'd better take care of ourselves. We already have one Foot in the grave!"
Medicine has become so advanced in Hollywood that one surgeon is practicing turning well - used starlets into virgins again. He promised one starlet she would be a virgin again and that he would transform her by taking a small piece of her ear and attaching it to her pussy. The surgery was a complete failure, but something positive materialized in, that she could now hear herself coming.
How about the oke who got his cock stuck in his car's battery? He was told he had to jump it in order to get the car started.
An Irishman's house is furiously burning down, surrounded by fire trucks and helpless firemen, all he can do is stand by and laugh and laugh. So his neighbour comes over and says, "Paddy, your house is being burned down to the foundations and you're laughing?" " Why not? ", says Paddy with chuckle." I got enough wood in the attic to build another one."
Why do Canadians like fuck doggy style? So they can both see the hockey game.
I'm not as thunk as you drink I am.
I was at a wife-swapping party and everyone threw all the keys on the floor. I took one - ever tried making love to a Chevrolet?
What do you call a Chinese virgin? Too Young To.
You must be walking backwards. All I see is an asshole.
Do you know what a tiger is? It's a 200kg pussy that eats you.
Did you hear about the Irishman who stayed up all night to study for his urine test and flunked it!
Did you hear about the ZINE editor who was writing the whole evening for an article, didn't save and clicked on the "Clear" gadget of the CYGNUSed PROF just to see the expected "ARE YOU SURE?" request which didn't come?
This article originally appeared in the Amiga diskmagazine "Zine #5" by Brainstorm 1990.
Some content may refer to activities that are illegal in some countries. BitFellas does not support such activity.
Addresses and other contact information were only valid when this magazine was originally published, in june of 1990.
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